they need to just BURY HIM!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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