so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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