I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
