He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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