I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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