Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
