the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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