Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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