Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You took a bar mat shot.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
