so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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