and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Pants are for mortals
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I use my feet as sexual weapons
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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