I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize