Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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