I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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