fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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