I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
