We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Randomize
