the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
