i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
