And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
