My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
