i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
