Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize