don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize