So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
