ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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