I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think I sprained my soul last night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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