True but thats because hes a fetus.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
