so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
