Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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