speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
