So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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