Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
