I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
