Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
