was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
