They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize