I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
