If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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