Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
