Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it hurts more in the daytime
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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