so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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