the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize