Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
