you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
