This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
