I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Less talking, more tequila
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
