Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
