I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I look better un-naked...
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
