Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
