TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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