i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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