our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
