She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
