things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i already hear my dad disowning me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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