Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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