My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize