Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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