Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
