Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
