Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
