I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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