I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
