We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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