I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
