I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
