i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
