SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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