We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
