I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
