i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
