***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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