I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
