Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
