shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
